Monday, May 12, 2008

Speed Racer: a kaleidoscopic car wreck.

Here's the Moviedozer review of this past weekend's Speed Racer... 

Imagine the NBC peacock splattering on your windshield at 80 mph.
Imagine Susan Sarandon in the most embarrassing role of her career.
Imagine the metaphysical BS of the Matrix amped up and spit out all over the storyline of a bad video game.
Imagine the Wachowski Brothers with their heads up each other's technicolor asses.

Most importantly, imagine something else to do with your movie ticket dollars. 

A.O. Scott, writing for the New York Times described things this way, "The colors pop off the screen as if someone had burst a giant bag of digital Skittles". He adds, " ...(the directors) focus relentlessly on visual style while dispensing almost entirely with credible emotion or intelligible narrative.".

The film is as dull and lethargic as the colors are saturated, and makes 2 hours and 15 minutes in a movie theater feel like a week in a dentists chair. As for the CGI animation, absolutely nothing in the film moves with any sense of a true environment or sense of physics. No weight, no wind, no sense of direction. Nothing. Kind of like the movie itself... and it's prospects at the box-office.

Amazingly, the only sense of fun in the entire film comes when the updated version of the Speed Racer theme song plays over the closing credits. The remake of Go Speed Racer Go is by Ali Dee and the Deekompressors and had the movie had half of the energy of the song, maybe something could have been salvaged. Then again, our enjoyment may have just been the sense of relief we felt that the whole mess had finally ended and we could get the hell out of the theater. The Wachowski Brothers should head back to the Matrix while their fans will likely consider opting for the blue pill.

Brutally bad. Don't let the hype suck you in.

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